14 Antidotes to Overwhelm

Everything can be taken from a man but one thing: the last of the human freedoms—to choose one’s attitude in any given set of circumstances, to choose one’s own way. - Viktor Frankl

An essential goal of the strategy of overwhelm we’re facing is to push us deep into despair, freeze us in fear, have us internalize the chaos, and absorb their violence and hate and direct it toward each other. If we are to survive, to resist, to live, we cannot give in to that. While we do not have control over very much. We do have control over our responses, what we choose to think about, what we choose to do with our time. 

I’m going to briefly describe some ways we can resist the chaos and the siren call to despair. We’ll see if I can keep it to 14. What these practices do is help us create space within ourselves. The more spacious we are, the less tight we are, the more we can respond in ways that align with our values.I said I was going to do this Thursday when I got home from work, but I was exhausted. So that’s how we’ll start the list. After that, there’s no particular order (and there’s lots more). Tell me how you resist overwhelm. 

1. Give Yourselves And the People Around You Some Grace/Cut Folks Some Slack. 

We’re in the middle of a fucking coup. The mere act of waking up to face another day can feel impossible. We are all doing the best we can. Let’s remember that. 

A corollary to this is “Try Not To Be a Dick.” 

2. Gratitude.

Intentionally thinking about what we are grateful for - this is a practice that has saved me many times. I have forgotten to do it, but, fortunately, my mom reminded me. She goes through what she is grateful for before she gets up and then again before she goes to bed. I started again this week. It has helped me get out of bed and given me some more energy. (Thanks, Mom.)

Gratitude isn’t denial. It does require acceptance/acknowledgement about what is happening (which is not the same as agreement or being ok with what’s happening). It’s lifting up the things that we are grateful for to balance, to help us create space.  

Everything that I’m saying in this email (and others) I have learned from someone else. I may weave things together or say it in slightly different ways, but all of it is the result of incredible teachers I personally know or have read. I am so grateful to them for their teachings.  

Here’s a cool thing: https://youtu.be/zSt7k_q_qRU?si=MUzWAWaPN4clqRt4

3. Support each other, especially those who are most vulnerable.

We are all going through this. But many of us hold various privileges (those who are men, white, Christians, straight, higher income, non-disabled, of a certain age - not the very young or older) that are protecting us from the worst of this in this moment. 

Right now there is an attempt to erase people who are trans or don’t have proper immigration documentation (or look like they might fall into that category) from existence. The plan for Palenstine is insane. Anybody who is identified as DEI - which is most of us - will be next. You know the poem. 

German Lutheran minister Martin Niemoller used specific identities that he knew his audiences would instinctively not care about. Basically, do not think they won’t come for you. It’s simply that they haven’t come for you yet. We resist now so that we protect everyone.

4. Be in Loving, Reciprocal Community Dedicated to Belonging

There are many ways to do this! We live pretty isolated busy lives that can make this difficult. Don’t give in to that. Isolation will destroy us. Even in non-coup times. Also, doing number 3, way easier way to do it when doing number 4. 

• Spend time with people who feed your soul - gather for dinner, tea, talk over the phone or online, be in silence together, have sleepovers, go for a walk, go for a drink.
• Find a community organization that supports community members - those who provide food, literacy programs, teaching English, mutual aid groups., 
• Go to church or mosque or sangha or temple places that help you find solace. For those (like me) who struggle with organized religion, there are places that fit this bill and are fairly non-dogmatic and do good things - like Unitarian Universalists (often lots of social justice activities), the Quakers (those quiet people are badasses), sanghas (Buddhist communities)
• For people who are like no fricking way, am I doing that there are other places -  civic groups, unions. Be in places that feed your soul and are working to resist what is happening and to support people.  
• Many of us can’t get to places for a number of reasons. There are tons of online groups that fit all of these categories. 
• Chill with your pets. Not all community has to be with humans. For lots of people (especially understandable these days), animals are way more welcome company than humans. 

5. Be Here Now.

In Al-Anon, I learned this saying that’s been super helpful over the years: “Keep your head where your feet are.” So much of our overwhelm stems from going to the past and thinking of how things could be different or going into the future and thinking of all the horrible things that could happen. Staying in the now is a way to resist that. You know what is always in the now - our body. We can work with our body to help us move out of overwhelm and into calm(er) presence. Here are just a few ways. Try them, see if they work. Share what works for you!

• Breathe. Just notice your breath. So many different breathing exercises - easy ones (in through your nose, out through your mouth), slightly more complicated ones (4-7-8 https://youtu.be/p8fjYPC-k2k?si=_-A0w1BssldMAtF2), so many!
• 5-4-3-2-1 Grounding Technique. With this one, the idea is that you name these things as a way to bring your focus into the present moment. 
  • 5 things you see
  • 4 things you can feel
  • 3 things you can hear
  • 2 things you can smell
  • 1 thing you can taste
• Listening to this helps me: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Gvo-CCtC3Zs
• Humming: Yep. Take a deep breath and hum - along to a song or just one note. Take another breath and do it again. The vibrations from humming stimulate your vagus nerve, which triggers a relaxation response. 
• Water: Splash some cold water on your face or just get in water. Seriously, the number of baths or showers that have saved me from anxiety, overwhelm, panic, too many to count.
• Move your body: Dance, stretch, run, walk, exercise.
• Laugh: watch something funny, read something funny.

A corallary is “Focus On One Thing At a Time.” Seriously. I know we are constantly multi-tasking. The goal here is to overwhelm you. By pausing and focusing on what you are doing - whatever it is, washing the dishes, volunteering, washing your hands, working on a project, listening to someone - it is much harder to overwhelm you. And when you notice that you are not focusing, just pause and re-focus.

6. Care for Your Body: Rest and Sleep, Drink Water, Move Your Body

It is very easy when things feel overwhelming to stop taking care of ourselves. We forget to drink water and nourish our body. We forget to move our body. We stay up too late, our sleep is restless. Or we push ourselves too far. 

“Times are urgent we must slow down.” Bayo Akomolafe often says this. This is especially true now. We must not forget to take care of our bodies. They are more than just ways we get around. They are our anchor into the present moment.

For some of us, our bodies are no longer working the way they used to or the way we want them to. That may require that we do “less” than we want to do or think we should be doing. I put less in quotation marks because there is only what we are able to do. That is enough. Our centered, loving presence in the world is what is enough. 

7. Go Outside or Bring Outside Inside 

There are numerous studies and experiences detailing the positive effects of being in nature. Take a walk, go for a hike, sit and watch the trees, the ocean, life around you. If you can’t get outside, bring the inside to you - open windows to feel the breeze, sit near a window where you can feel the warmth of the sun on your face, have plants. 

8. Create 

There are so many things that fall into the category of creating something new or rebuilding something. Painting, writing, sculpting, cooking, woodworking, gardening, sewing, car mechanics, coloring. It doesn’t matter your skill level, what matters is your ability to focus your attention and make something that didn’t exist before exist. Or go to a place where you are surrounded by creation or art - museums, galleries, beautiful architecture, the woods. 

Inuit artist Kenojuak Ashevak explained that the closest English translation for the Inuit word used for art is “Art is that which takes something real and makes it more real than before.”

9. Play 

Play is an essential part of life. Children know what play is. Somewhere along the way, as adults, we forget. We think that we have more important things to do. Or we think play is the same as decompressing or avoiding or turning off (e.g., Netflix and chill). Those are fine and often helpful, just not what I'm talking about. I mean an activity done for the sole purpose of having fun and feeling joy. And it feels good, even after. (Going out and partying but not feeling so great the next day doesn't quite fit. No judgment and definitely valuable.)  

The effects of play and creative activities are significant - releases stress, builds community and relationship, stimulates learning ability, enhances creativity, releases endorphins. Playing helps us know who we are and imagine how to create a different world

Don’t these sound like things we need right now?

10. Get a Library Card

Libraries are just amazing. Not only can you get books or magazines, you can also take out ukuleles or telescopes or any number of things. There are classes or community groups. They are community! Librarians are superheroes and help people with literally everything. Many libraries (like mine) now even have social workers. 

Also, you don’t need to go to the library - your card often gives you free access to museums, audiobooks and e-books, kanopy (which is an awesome streaming service). So many things

11. Be In Silence

There is so much noise. Carving out times to be silent - whether it’s sitting meditation or doing an activity (like washing the dishes or folding the laundry or walking) in silence or just sitting and daydreaming - has a powerful effect. It is calming, it helps our brains process things and give us space for creativity and new ideas. 

12. Grieve

The incredible Zora Neale Hurston said, “If you are silent about your pain, they'll kill you and say you enjoyed it.” There is so much loss right now. People are in physical danger, people are losing life-giving care, people are losing jobs, their ideas of what this country and their world means are shattered. The list goes on.

Acknowledging the loss and the pain is important. If we are just consistently shoving it down, it will just explode later. There is a balance. We need space to grieve. We need an opportunity to grieve. 

Sidenote: We can confuse grief and other things. These are traumatic times.  As I said before, I am seeing a lot of trauma responses - fight, flight, or fright. For those of us who have experienced trauma before, these times are really triggering and can even cause PTSD symptoms. You don’t have to manage that alone. Please reach out.  

13. Music

Do I really need to explain this one? Seriously, listen to more music. It’s so frickin’ powerful.

14. Step Away From the News. 

Seriously, the constant consumption of news is not helpful. I’m not saying bury your head in the sand. But limit it. Constant consumption of the news also prevents you from actually doing stuff whether it’s living our lives as we must continue to do, anything on this list, or responding to this moment. Plus, mainstream media is not adequately capturing what is happening. The people who have broken most of the news stories have been independent journalists (Nathan Tankus, Marisa Kabas) or places like Wired or Mother Jones. PBS’s NewsHour is on every weekday. Identify a few trusted people or resources, check in for limited amounts over the day or week. 

We do not stop a coup (or remain sane) by consuming news. 

15. Believe In the Power of Us

I tried really hard to keep it to 14…so hard. Each of these seemed important to me. And this last one felt especially important. 

Someone responded yesterday that they had taken some action, even though it was just a drop in the bucket. It made me think of this. The narrator is Wangari Maathai, a Kenyan environmental activist and Nobel Peace Prize winner.

https://youtu.be/IGMW6YWjMxw?si=fBcGeADhB3ymFwQl

Margaret Mead said, “Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed citizens can change the world; indeed, it's the only thing that ever has.” It is infinitely true.

While there are so many horrible things, there are so many incredible things happening. Things that are in the news and things we’ll never see. This email is already long enough. Maybe I’ll send some out later. If I don’t, remember #1. 

We need each other. Wherever you are, whatever you are doing. Keep adding to the love and beauty of this world in whatever way you can. 

I LOVE YOU, ALL.

[originally written 2.8.2025]