2

It's okay to be scared, but fear is different. Fear is when we let being scared prevent us from doing what love requires of us. —Mairead Corrigan Maguire

When I visited Ireland in 2023, one of the few sites I wanted (needed) to see was the sculpture pictured above in Bailick Park in Midleton, County Cork - Kindred Spirits by artist Alex Pentek. It commemorates the $170 donation made by the Choctaw Nation of Oklahoma to the Irish people in 1847 after they heard about an Gorta Mór (The Great Hunger, what some people call the Irish Potato Famine).

This story has fascinated me since I first heard about it. For many reasons. My Irish heritage and deep interest and studies in both Irish and Native American culture, history, and politics and the similarities of the two. The logistics - how did the Choctaw hear about it, respond, and get the money to people who needed it. The devastating beauty of a people who had experienced their own devastation of the Trail of Tears the previous decade pooling their incredibly limited resources to send to people they had limited or no connection to, other than their shared humanity. Saying we see you, you are not alone. 

When we are faced with unimaginable horror or plain old being scared, we have a choice of how to respond. We can get tight and reactive or we can create a little bit of space and move from love. We can find the intersection between what is needed and what we are capable of and respond. We can gather a bit of money when we have so little and send it thousands of miles away to people who we will never meet or whose names we will never know and with that gift say - I see you, You are not alone. 

Why am I writing about this today? I woke up this morning to a voicemail from my child's school saying that all schools in our town were cancelled because of a security threat. They could not provide details at the time and would do so as soon as they were able. As I'm writing it, I hear helicopters overhead (we live very close to a couple of schools). Not a common sound in my neighborhood, but my body tightens remembering their near constant presence in our old neighborhood in Columbus. The mom texts have started. The fear (including the rumors to help us find ground in a time of uncertainty) but also care and love - sharing information, figuring out how to occupy our kids and comfort them, reminders that everyone is home and safe. 

We are living in a time where there will be more and more reasons to be scared. The world we are living in is very dangerous. It has been very dangerous for many people for generations, centuries. It is becoming more dangerous for more people. Take a moment to sit and take that in if you can. I know you know it, but try and feel it. Not to overwhelm you but notice how your body reacts to it. We cannot stop this reality. We can, however, choose how to respond. The more we are familiar with how being scared feels in our body, the more quickly and better able we are able to pause it, to keep it from overwhelming us. 

The thing is - It is okay to be scared; it's probably a bit crazy to not be scared. The danger comes when we let being scared turn into fear and let that control us. Being controlled by fear shuts down everything. We do not make good decisions, and we can cause significant harm. We often need each other to help us from letting being scared turn into fear. 

I was reminded of an article I sent out with the first of these emails out, all those years ago. It is by Mindy Thompson Fullilove (such an awesome name, especially given her work). (https://mainstreetnj.blogspot.com/2020/03/coronavirus-getting-through-this-moment.html. Dr. Fullilove explained:

"The first part of getting through a disaster is to recognize the difference between love and fear.  This might seem obvious – and perhaps it is – but there is a lot of each floating around.  Fear is normal in such situations but must be contained and minimized because 1) it doesn’t help and 2) it can really hurt.  Fear let loose on the self becomes panic, let loose on others becomes stigma and worse. 

Love, on the other hand, is profoundly useful in these situations.  It empowers us to do our best for ourselves, our families and our world.  People in disasters have a built-in need to “do something” to help.  This has gotten our species through many a hard time, and it is needed now.  Fear turns off love, makes us want to retreat from the threat.  Love turns off fear and helps us approach the need that is presented to us."

She shares her thoughts about getting through:

1. Turn on the love.
2. Pay attention to this week's needs.
3. Fight injustice.
4. Extend and strengthen your network.
5. Build a personal foundation of spirit

She also explains the tasks of collective recovery when this time is over, and, truly, this time will come to an end and the sun will rise on another time and we will need to engage in the work of recovery: Remember, Respect, Learn, Connect.

Continue to hold those who are dealing with the fires and unimaginable suffering in LA in your heart. Find the intersection between what is needed and what we are capable of and respond from there. There will be countless stories, many we never hear, about people helping each other. Remember that.

I see you. You are not alone. 

be well, e

PS - For those of you who are my worrier warriors, I will be sure to send an update about what's going on. Just remember. Ella and I are safe. 

[originally published 1.13.2025]