A late missive (#6)
"I have almost reached the regrettable conclusion that the Negro's great stumbling block in the stride toward freedom is not the White Citizen's Council-er or the Ku Klux Klanner, but the white moderate who is more devoted to "order" than to justice; who prefers a negative peace which is the absence of tension to a positive peace which is the presence of justice…" - Martin Luther King, Jr.
Hi all,
I wasn’t sure if I was going to write today. Today is my sister Kathryn’s birthday. She has been gone a long time now. Though in that weird, bendy way that time works - it feels both shorter and longer than the calendar says. My sister and I had a difficult relationship. While the sadness and pain is softer, it is still there, as it will always be.
I picked this picture of her niece (my daughter, whom she never got to meet) because I think Kat would have really liked it for the same reason that it’s one of my favorite photos - it looks like one thing but is something different.
It looks like a little grunge kid nonchalantly flipping off the world, but it's really a little kid excited about a lightning bug that has landed on her hand, and she's holding up the finger the bug happened to perch on so that one of her aunts could take a photo. The picture of innocence.
It’s a reminder that we shouldn't always believe what our brain thinks or tells us what we're seeing.
On MLK Day, I will often read something of his. I am particularly drawn to his writing about peace and nonviolence. People often think peace is the absence of chaos or tension or nonviolence is the absence of violence. But that is not the case. These concepts are not defined by what is absent but what is present, as Dr. King wrote in "Letter from a Birmingham Jail" (partially quoted above).
We think of peace as a good thing. And it can be. But it is not automatically so. Peace is only positive if what is underlying it is positive. If it is justice, compassion, and love, then peace is beautiful. If it is about domination, maintaining comfort for some at the expense of others, or silencing people, it is very dangerous.
If we are offered peace, we must be clear before accepting it that it is a positive peace rooted in justice and compassion for all. Otherwise, we are accepting something far different. Something this world has seen many times and is all too often accompanied by oppression, repression, and destruction. Something we are about to experience in full force.
For those who knew Kathryn, peace may not be a word that first comes to mind when thinking of her. Perhaps surprisingly, then, Dr. King's quote does make me think of Kat. She definitely knew what negative peace was and did not play that game. She spoke up. And she was always like that. My memories are from when she was very young. One day walking home from school, I was in 4th or 5th grade and she saw a boy about my age (9 or 10) who she thought was picking on me. She ran up on this kid so fiercely he backed away. She was 4 or 5 years old. Another time, she was at someone's house for Halloween, when the adult in the house made a racist comment about a child who came to the door. She went to the phone and called my mom to pick her up. She was 9 or 10 years old.
Back then, I was nothing like that. In those situations I would have stayed silent and small. It was a long time before I could stand up and speak out for others or myself, before I would remove myself from situations that were toxic and I didn't need to be in. It took a long time before I realized that "negative peace" was not something I should value. My sister was one of the people who showed me how to do differently.
There will be calls for peace and unity. Listen closely. Examine what underlies those calls for peace, for unity. Examine what your brain may be telling you.
As Madeleine L’Engle said, "Like it or not, we either add to the darkness of indifference and out-and-out evil which surrounds us or we light a candle to see by."
in (positive) peace,
e
#739, Emily Dickinson
I many times thought Peace had come
When Peace was far away—
As Wrecked Men—deem they sight the Land—
At Centre of the Sea—
And struggle slacker—but to prove
As hopelessly as I—
How many the fictitious Shores—
Before the Harbor be—
[originally published 1.20.2025]
